Leaffrost|*| DawnClan|*|

[evanescenceluv]

Name: Leaffrost

Nickname/Alias: Nope

Gender: She~Cat

Age: 25 Moons

Group: DawnClan

Rank: Warrior

Appearance: Leaffrost is a beautiful brown tabby she~cat with dark brown stripes running from her forehead to her back. She has piercing aqua eyes with green flecks in them and a tail approx. four mouse lengths long. She has unusually curved, sharp claws that can pierce flesh with the slightest pressure and a slim, compact body that allows her to move swiftly and silently through the trees. She has small, dainty paws and has white tips on her toes. She has an orange nose, which is outlined in black, and long black and white whiskers. All in all, Leaffrost is a very beautiful she~cat.

Physical/Mental Strengths ~ Leaffrost is very good at fighting.
~ She is a wonderful hunter, and is very helpful in Leaf~bare.
~ Flirting usually gets her whatever she wants.
~ She is very good at climbing trees, which is a quick way to get away from danger.
~She is always improving her fighting techniques.

Physical/Mental Weaknesses: ~ She isn't a very good swimmer, and fears she would drown if she got in too deep.
~ She doesn't think before she acts or speaks.
~ She is very fearful of twolegs, their monsters, and thunderpaths.


Personality: Leaffrost is a very impulsive she~cat. If she has something to say, she will right out come and say it. She isn't worried about what she says, even if it hurts that feline's feelings because it will make them stronger in the end. She is very trustworthy and can keep secrets, even if it is against the warrior code. She loves her friends and kin, and will do almost anything for them. If the people she loves get hurt, or killed, she will automatically seek revenge, no matter the punishment she may receive from her clan leader.


History: Leaffrost and her sister were born to her mother, Coldbreath, and her father, Darksoul. From the moment Coldbreath birthed Leaffrost, she instantly loved her. She payed so much attention to Leaffrost that she had no idea what was going on between Darksoul and her other daughter, Deathrose. One unsuspecting night, when Leaffrost was out hunting, she came back to find her mother dead, her throat slit open.
Later that night, she caught her sister and her father trying to sneak away from camp. Wondering what was up with them, she confronted the two. Her father instantly turned around and attacked her. Fearing for her life, Leaffrost fought back. Deathrose, not being able to bear the the thought of her sister dying, she attacked her father and killed him. Leaffrost and her sister quickly disposed of their father's body. Leaffrost later found out that Deathrose killed their mother, but forgave her because she understood the confusion and pain that must have been going on in her sister's head at that time. In keeping her sister's secret, she knew she was also betraying the warrior code. But to Leaffrost, kin was more important than the warrior code. Till this day, no one knows the terrible secret that she is hiding for her sister.

Other:

I will be adding her sister later on.

[Accalia]

Hello! I love this character and look forwards to accepting her, but first you need to make a few modifications...

Firstly, each character you play on FE should have a separate account to be played on. Please ensure that you make another account called 'Leaffrost' and play Leaffrost on that and Deathrose on this one, or make an account called Deathrose and play Deathrose on that one and Leaffrost on this one. The name 'evanescenceluv' should also be changed to match the character played on the account.

Secondly, please take a look at the notes I left on Deathrose's profile about their history and possible Clan change.

Thirdly, I need you to give her some more significant weaknesses. She's a very overpowered character and needs to be balanced out.
For strengths, she's beautiful, has piercing eyes, has unusually sharp and curved claws that can pierce flesh with the slightest pressure, a slim body that lets her move swiftly and silently, she's good at fighting, a wonderful hunter, able to use flirting to get what she wants, good at climbing trees, always improving her fighting techniques, she's very trustworthy and can keep secrets, and she's willing to do anything for her friends/kin.
For weaknesses, she only has two - her impulsiveness and her fear of Twoleg stuff. (We don't count not being a good swimmer as a true weakness on FE, as most cats can't swim).
All of this means that she has many more strengths than she has weaknesses. Perhaps you could remove some of the strengths, or if that's not what you want, add some weaknesses?

Fourthly, a lot of her strengths - her sharp claws and slim body - should be in Physical Strengths, not Appearance. I would also ask you to separate Physical and Mental Strengths and Weaknesses, as it's important to balance the two, just as important as it is to balance strengths and weaknesses.

Lastly, please develop her personality. I'd like to see a little more in there than just that she's impulsive, trustworthy, and mad about her friends/kin.

Let's go through strength by strength...

Firstly, she's beautiful, has piercing eyes and therefore can use flirting to get what she wants. While it's perfectly fine to have a beautiful cat, that should ideally be balanced out with some mental or physical weaknesses. I would advise taking out the strength of 'piercing eyes'; is it really central to her character? (It's your choice which strengths and weaknesses you want to take out or add, though; I'm just making suggestions).

Also, you need to take out that she can use flirting to get what she wants. It is up to the other Roleplayers in the game whether their character is affected by Leaffrost's beauty and whether or not they will give her what she wants. This strength can't be played in actual RP without powerplaying to some extent.

Now for Physical Strengths. She's got sharp, curved claws that can pierce flesh with the slightest pressure, she's fast, she's stealthy, she's good at fighting, she's a wonderful hunter, she's good at climbing trees, she's always improving her fighting techniques... she's got everything! You need to give up some of these strengths. She can't be great at everything physically - no matter how sporty she is.
Generally, characters are good at either fighting or hunting. While she doesn't need to be a brilliant fighter and terrible hunter, or vice versa, in general an apprentice and her mentor will focus on one area that the apprentice seems strong in. When the character then becomes a warrior, as Leaffrost has, this skill stays with them. There are not enough hours in a day to practise both fighting and hunting (and tree-climbing) to a very high standard. Either pick one, or add some more weaknesses that balance it out.

DawnClan characters probably don't tend to be good tree-climbers. While she could be agile or dexterous, which are similar, the only trees in DawnClan territory are in the Rosepetal Woods. This doesn't afford much opportunity for practise.

Her sharp, curved claws are unrealistic. No cat's claw can pierce flesh with the 'slightest pressure'. Scratch skin, maybe, but it's unrealistic to have her be able to rip gaping wounds in people with little to no effort. Please remove that one, or change it to something more realistic, such as just 'she has sharp, curved claws'.

Now. She's fast, stealthy and skilled, and presumably if she's good at climbing trees she's dexterous and agile. We need weaknesses to balance this out. Perhaps she could be not very strong? Have a very low pain threshold? Have slow reflexes? Have low stamina (get tired easily)? Not like getting her pelt dirty? Be lazy, or greedy? Be inflexible? Think about some of these and either remove some strengths or add some weaknesses.

What happened to Mental Strengths, incidentally? There are some implied in other sections, but you should add her trustworthiness, and any other strengths you feel are appropriate (though you then need to balance them out with weaknesses). She doesn't have any listed in Strengths at the moment.

She's trustworthy... does this really fit in with her history, where she murders other cats? Maybe think about this one.

Thanks for reading all this,

- Accalia